Happy? New Year 2022

My Christmas holiday and New Year's Eve/Day and day have been very different this year.  Paul and Bean left before I got out of school for Christmas break to go up and build Jay and Brynn's fireplace in their new house in West Jordan.  They came home on Tuesday and were here for our family Christmas "Adam" party on Wednesday and for Christmas and some doctor appointments that Paul had and then went back up on Wednesday, the 28th and took Brady with them.  Today - New Year's Day - they finished and will clean up on Monday and come home to stay...thank goodness!  

New Year's Eve Anna Lou fell down coming back to her house from getting the mail.  She fell on her face on the cement sidewalk on her porch and really got a banged up face.  But, thankfully, she was able to make it into the house, call Ferf and Ferf called me.  We decided she needed to go in and I took her to the ER where we waited and waited and then she got seen, got a CAT scan and thank goodness had no broken bones. They gave her a pain pill, she barfed and I cleaned up what we couldn't catch in a paper cup that was handy.  They kind of just left her to me to take care of since they were really busy.  But eventually she got to go home.  Then she realized that she had hurt her hand/wrist in the fall, but was too tired and groggy to go back.  So today I took her and spent the whole afternoon in the ER and again, thankfully, nothing was broken.  They took much better care of her today.  Not so busy I guess.  So, this morning I got all the bills for the business and home paid along with some other chores.  And this afternoon I was at the ER.  I'm glad I could help and I think maybe now she will consent to get a rescue alert device and maybe even wear it so if she falls again, she will have something that will get help for her if she can't make her way to a phone.   

It has been a hard few months with Paul having some severe back pain - so severe he could barely stand to ride in the car, sit down, do much of anything.  After going through a long process he has been able to get some treatments in his back - nerve ablation - they basically kill the nerves that are causing the pain, and that has been a huge help.  I thought he was going to be laid up forever.  Of course the arthritis is still there destroying his back, but down the road he will have to get surgery to "fix" thatand his foot.  For now though, he is nearly pain free.  

Christmas is always a hard time for me.  I basically have to do it all.  Paul earns the money, I spend it trying to do what mom's do - please everyone - on a budget.  That is a lot of people to try to please in this family.  In the middle of that I was finishing up my last 2 chemo treatments which happened to be a week before Thanksgiving and a week before Christmas.  So I wasn't feeling my best self for either holiday, but at least I had a little recovery time during that week.  And in the middle of that they decided they would call me to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher.  That, to me, is a nightmare calling.  I have done so many callings that no one else wanted...Cub Scouts for years!  I loved serving in the YSA.  But I had to have a subs 3 times while I was recovering from Chemo for the Gospel Doctrine thing.  I only taught once and it actually went well, but the next time when I could have taught I was having a terrible time after chemo since I had chemo and a terrible cold that I picked up at school.  I was trying so hard to study, but just couldn't concentrate at all.  I just couldn't get it to come together and got more and more stressed.  And I just couldn't get away from it.  Anytime I tried to relax I'd feel like I couldn't because I didn't have that lesson ready.  I just couldn't handle the stress/anxiety anymore so I asked to be released.  I feel bad that I "failed" to have enough faith to do the job I guess.  The bishop said it was not a problem since they knew when they called me it may not be a good thing because of my chemo.  I have wrestled with the guilt I feel because I also feel great relief not to be doing it.  The new lesson format is basically not a lesson format...just have people discuss what they learned studying at home.  I am NOT comfortable up front in the first place and even more NOT comfortable in such an open/not under control fashion. I just don't have that kind of think on your feet confidence. So, if I'm bad because I asked to be released, so be it.  I just knew I couldn't go on living with all of that stress and anxiety and no relaxation at all in my life.  Just way too many things with Paul's bad health, Bean always there with his struggles, Ferf in the middle of a nasty divorce and me still trying to work and do chemo and Anna Lou and all of her needs are big issue too. (She was so nasty to us about Thanksgiving this year.)  I still don't know if the chemo has put the cancer into remission, or if I'm still going to have to have more treatments (maintenance).  I have done pretty well with them compared to a lot of people I read about on the FB page for Folicular Lymphoma that I belong to, but it still hasn't been easy and I have felt it more as it has built up.  I'm having mouth trouble now even after the last treatment.  And the bowel trouble has been a huge issue.  I am really not a fan of the idea of more chemo at this point and hope it won't be necessary.  So enough.  It has been a hard year, but also a blessed year too.  That's how it is, isn't it.  Life - the best of times, the worst of times.  I like this quote that Pres. Hinckley shared:  “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride”.  I am thankful for this past year...with all of it's good and joyful things and for help getting through the hard stuff too.