Happy #46 in Heaven Weed!

 We had two celebrations for Weed's birthday this year.  Juge hosted a Dinner o' Love on Sunday, the 22nd and Derek had the annual Pizza Factory party on the 23rd...Weed's actual birthday.  I took a book I made about Weed to Juge's gathering.  Even though we will always miss her, time has softened the missing and our testimonies that we'll see her again keep it livable.  Everyone enjoyed looking at all the fun pictures of her in the book.  I was glad it didn't make anyone lose it.  I wondered about bringing it, but I think it was actually good after all.  Both gatherings were sweet.  One of Weed's friends was at Derek's party and she had found a drawing that Weed had done of her many years ago.  It was sweet to see her loving posts about Weed on FB. (See posts below.)

I came across this portrait last month in my parent's garage that Lenae had drawn of me in high school. It was like finding a treasure! honestly don't even remember her giving it to me or why I got so lucky to be blessed with such a special gift!! I keep wondering why out of all people she chose to draw me!? But for whatever reason, I cherish this gift & would have never known what it would mean to me now that she is gone. God has a way of sending & reminding us that those who are on the other side of the veil are still very close to us & that we can still feel of their love!

For anyone who knew Lenae, you know what a special & beautiful soul she was! She was everything I wish & hope to be! Her legacy will be forever engraved within us.

 Happy Birthday in Heaven Lenae!!

Missing you today but looking forward to celebrating your birthday with your family at Pizza Factory tonight!! I will give them all hugs for you! Love you forever my friend!!

I went to the temple a few weeks ago & remember praying that I would feel my loved ones from the other side of the veil while I was there. As I walked out of the dressing room towards where I needed to go next, your sister Jennifer was walking towards me! I grabbed her quickly into a hug & told her "I know I was supposed to see you today here so that I could feel Lenae with me!" God truly does answer our prayers & I felt His & your love for me that day!

This year's February birthdays got depleted by Anna Lou's passing. It's a bad month for people having passed away for birthdays I guess. Kennis is our only one and she turned 22 this year, but not where we could celebrate with her. She's busy up north doing school and work and we don't get to see her much or hear from her much sadly. Happy Birthday Kennis...we love you here or not! I asked her for a birthday picture and she didn't really have any but this funny one. Hope she gets more of a party next year!

Weed's Birthday celebration - #45

March 10, 2016, is when she left us nine years ago on such a beautiful, sunny winter day.  So much has happened with her family and ours since then.  We will always feel that pain as we remember that day.  We thank heaven for our knowledge of the plan of salvation that brings us the knowledge that she will be there waiting for us!  It's what makes such pain and loss bearable.  Derek set it up with Pizza Factory again and we enjoyed having dinner with lots of the Smith family and some of ours that could make it.  This year Moss and Christie and Eliza and Kai, Supe and Jem, Paul and I were there for our family.  We had done some prior celebrating earlier in the month when more of us were together.  The biggest celebration of all will happen when we finally meet her again on the other side! Until then we leave you with Jesus. Happy Birthday Weed/Lenae - WE LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!

Weed's #44!

 In Memory from Juge FB:  Celebrating the happy day of Weed’s birth today! From our baby journals I think she had a hard time giving up her baby status 18 months later when I arrived, but luckily she apparently forgave me before too long and we got to be the best of buds. She was a one in a million friend who made you feel great just being around her.

This month I’ve been thinking about ways that she is still “in the game” here with us even though we might not be aware of it and also about the really awesome things she might be experiencing that she didn’t have a chance to experience before.

Thanks to another sister for this beautiful picture of Juge and Weed in our natural habitat.

It was nice to gather with those who could make it (on the 24th) to remember Lenae at a Pizza Factory buffet. Not any from our family could come unfortunately, but Paul and I were able to make it and enjoyed touching base the lots of the Smith family that were there. We love you and miss you Weed! And we are so glad you're up there helping out where you can with the things that need your loving touch. (Derek took this BeReal picture for me with his usual nasal flourish! And my eyes are closed as usual too.) The boss/owner of the Pizza Factory where Weed worked, is always really nice and tries to help us have this chance to gather. He remembers Weed and that's enough for him to want to help.

Some sweet memories that people shared about Weed on Juge's post on FB.

Kali Pollock Baumgartner

I am a firm believer that our closest loved ones are back in our lives often once they go to heaven. I bet she is right along beside you and your kids through most of your adventures.

Nonie Cottam Gay

Happy birthday to the one and only Weed! To the amazing girl who saved this lonely and friendless seventh grader and invited her to join her and her ninth grade friends everyday for lunch and was one of the three people who showed up to my rather pathetic sweet 16th party. I’m super grateful for those two cute girls in that picture for being my friend when it was probably easier not to be. Love you both! 

February birthdays!

 Kennis was our first birthday for the month - not too many this time.  We went a day early to enjoy presents and chocolate covered strawberries with chocolate ice cream.  Kennis is a sweetie.  She is very busy doing high school, college and track right now and you have to see her when you can.  She also takes piano lessons and gives piano lessons to some neighbors and some family members.  She, Ryan, Koen and Ferf all played for us that night.  Pretty impressive!  Kennis has really excelled and has earned some big awards for her playing.  

Happy #41 Weed!

My FB post: Today we celebrate our sweet Weed’s (aka Lenae) birthday and remember all of the joy and fun she brought to our lives for not long enough. So grateful for her and all that she was to so many people. Heaven is so lucky to have her there.

Weed's  #41 birthday celebration this year had to be a little bit low key because of, you guessed it, Covid-19.  We met in Supe's backyard for a bring your own dinner and memory to share night.  We had 3 of her favorite cakes for dessert - Black and White cake, Lemon cake with strawberry frosting and homemade cheesecake.  There was plenty of cake!  It was low key too in that not so many people could actually come.  But it was nice to at least gather with as many as could and think of her.  

Juge always posts something special on Weed's birthday: Birthday celebrations today for this most beautiful, kind, and hilarious of humans! We miss her every single day. Wishing I was giving her this cutest and very profound book for her special day. And because it’s her birthday here’s a few cake related pages to celebrate. Enjoy—then go give your people an extra better-than-cake hug and a smile as bright as hers to someone who may need it today in honor of our most loved “Weed”. (Along with this very Weed collage.)

Happy #89 to Anna Lou was the last of the February birthdays. We took her to lunch at Mo' Bettahs the day before so she could be home all day on her birthday to get calls. It was really crowded inside, but she had been wanting to try it, so since it was such a nice, sunny day, we just ordered by phone and then Paul and I went in and got it. They had a comfy, sunny spot outside, so we ate out there. Good food! Afterwards we shared a Nothing Bundt carrot cake and some locally grown birthday pistachios we gave her. It was a nice time. She got many birthday calls the next day and was very pleased. Glad she could have a birthday that made her happy!

A Weed moment

 Time has passed and life goes on, but every now and again there are moments when the heart hurts with remembering - bitter sweet moments.  We all had one of those the other day when Lou sent this to all of us.  

Hi LouAnne. 

I was reading my scriptures this morning and remembered a letter that Lenae had emailed me years ago. I wanted to share it with you. She is such a wise wonderful person. Hope you are doing well!

Dearest Heather,

The other day, in my scripture study, I came across this scripture and it hit me really hard. It takes place when the brother of Jared and all their people had boarded their barges and headed out to sea. In Ether 6:5-6 it says:

5 And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.
6 And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

The thing that hit me about this is that Lord provided wind to help them progress, but the very thing he gave them to help them progress, also provided some very difficult trials! I’m sure it was utterly terrifying to be tossed on “mountain waves” and “buried in the depths of the sea”! I think we are given trials to give us a chance to improve and progress in the way the Lord has planned for us. He wants us to reach our destination of perfection, but we can’t do that without some very difficult learning experiences. 

Another thing that I loved about this section is how they got through these challenges. In verse 9, it says:

9 And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

Whoa! That’s pretty hard to do when you’re cramped in a barge with the only light being from a small rock at each end and the only fresh air that enter the barge (which you share with all your animals) comes from a small hole that can only be unstopped when you’re not in the middle of a huge storm. I’ve found that often, I would rather question “Why?” than sing praises. It’s hard to be grateful for trials like these! I’m still not there most of the time! But I am trying. I am trying to find joy in the journey. I am trying to realize that at least, I am moving forward and being watched over.

In verse 10, it states that:

10 And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

We are known! Our pain is seen! Heavenly Father IS watching out for us and protecting us from worse things. We too have light continually, we just have to acknowledge and look to it for guidance! I am so grateful that Heavenly Father provided scriptures to guide us as we face “mountain waves” and being “buried in the depths of the sea”. I am so glad that we can liken them unto us and find nuggets of wisdom and comfort in them!

I hope you can find comfort at this time and know that your pain is known and He is looking out for you! I love you so much and know that you are going to get through this and it will be ok!

Hold tight to the light!!

Love,

Lenae

Right now we are studying these verses in the Book of Mormon for our Come Follow Me Sunday School lessons.  Weed hit the nail on the head with these observations.  

Celebrating Weed #39

There are always those little pangs of missing, sometimes those gut punches...whatever form they take, I miss her.  And so again as her birthday comes around, it's there.  And how can I make it better, the not having her here to celebrate with and wish her a happy day?  So I try to think of what I could do and wonder how her kids and Derek are doing with this, and how our other kids are handling it.  There's no perfect way to 'fix' it.  Thank goodness for our eternal perspective or it would be unbearable.  I don't want to bring it up because I don't want to make it hurt, but I want to do something.  So I put it off...and then it's here and it's time.  This year, as usual, I didn't want to bring it up, and decided to go to the temple to honor the service Weed was always doing for others by doing some service there.  And it was good.  We had one daughter that needed to be sealed to her parents.  How appropriate...to seal one daughter to her parents as we remember that this daughter is sealed to us.  And it was also interesting that this daughter we sealed was just known as Miss Crane.  No first name, but even though she is somewhat unknown any more personally than that, she is known very personally to Heavenly Father.  Just as we are each known to and loved by Him.  So, that was a good way to honor Weed for me and I hope so for Paul.  I felt like crying as I was the was proxy for the daughter and had a hard time holding the tears back, but after it was done I felt much better and happy!

But then I wanted to do something with the kids.  We came up with the idea to have them over the evening before and eat dinner and play games or whatever.  It evolved into a really fun evening.  Paul picked them up and we met at the DSU Sear's Art Show (something we used to go to with Weed and kids on President's day usually) and did the I Spy activity and enjoyed the beautiful art.  The docent was a rather crabby lady who wanted us to know that she didn't want to stay late and in fact wanted to leave 15 minutes early, but we still had a good time and finished up on time to keep her happy!  Then we came home and ate a meal, not as good as I wanted it to be, but we had fun eating/talking together.  Afterwards we mixed up our family recipe of chocolate chip cookies...the ones Weed always used to make and share with others.  Juge told us about their family tradition of making the eggs slide into the batter and we included that!  We baked some of the batter in little bowls and then topped them with ice cream...so we had an appropriate birthday cake for Weed!  And we told jokes and laughed and were silly while we did it.  She would have enjoyed that too.  And we looked at the kid pics in the hall to see how cute Weed, and the other kids were as they grew up into the beautiful people they are.  And as we looked at pics on the way out the door we got sidetracked and it was perfect because we looked through the picture book we made of Weed and enjoyed family memories shown there.  Then it was late and time to take everyone home to get to bed.  It was an evening well spent and was good for the heart.  Tomorrow is the actual day and we will go out to a dinner with our kids and Derek and the kids.  And that will be good too.  Happy Birthday Dear Weed (Lenae).  We love you, we miss you and we will see you again!

We took quick pics of people with favorites.  I love this beautiful fused glass "Through the Forest"  by Mercedes Skegro.  Good thing it's already sold.  If I had money for it, I would want it.  The artist had some great quotes on her site:

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."  Pablo Picasso

She's a refugee from Croatia and also had the quote, "Give me liberty, or give me death."  Patrick Henry  

As we were looking through the photo book we saw some funny pics of Weed in goggles.  Kaebri sent me this funny goggle collage of ones I didn't have.  Weed always had on her 'happy goggles' even when life was hard.  She smiled her way through hard things and worked hard to keep others smiling too.  

 Dinner with a fun remembering what we did with Weed game, a visit the the grave and cake at the
house.  It was perfect!  We missed Jay and Supe, but life happens.

Note:  See journal entry for 2-28-19 for more thoughts on Weed at this time.