I am so behind. So much has happened. It's hard to know where to begin. I will start here and then go on.
I kept trying to find time to write
down what I was remembering before I forgot it all. I finally found a quiet time and here’s what
I remember. I know I left out a time
when we visited Derek and the kids. I think it was the Friday after Weed’s
passing earlier in the day before we went to the temple, but honestly, it is
all such a blur I can’t remember details of that time, so I will just have to
leave it at this.
The Borrowmans hosted the family
dinner on March 6th. We had
good food and good times as always. Supe
and Beacher were here! So glad they have
moved back from Oregon. Since we hadn’t
really done it yet, we did Ferf and Weed’s birthdays with the traditional song
and blow out pictures. I had Weed take
pictures for me since I’m terrible at phone pictures and I think my camera
either wasn’t there or was acting up.
Since I am writing this after the fact I can say that Weed texted me
those pictures just a few days before she died…my last text from her, helping
me out like she always helped everyone out.
I had gotten her a present sent directly to her house the day after her
b-day, but her life was just too busy right then to take time to celebrate, so
she hadn’t “officially” been sung to or had cake. She did call me up so excited about the toe
socks we had sent and did get a chance to at least wear them a few times. I think she handed the camera off to Kaebri
to take the shot of her blowing out her candles for her final birthday here
with us, #36. Derek had teased her on
her birthday that he couldn’t see how he could put 39 number 39s around the
house! Guess it took her a minute and
then she gave it back to him reminding him that she was ONLY 36! So, this was her last birthday celebration
here with us. You just never know what’s
coming up in Heavenly Father’s plan. As
Paul has said, the plan is feeling pretty crumby right now, but we just don’t
know everything there is to know. Thanks
for the pics Weed. So glad there was at
least one of you.
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| Up - Weed Down - Ferf |
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| Weed always tried to make it to the family dinners. It probably wasn't the best time for her because of all of the noise and not being able to hear much of what was being said, but she came, enjoyed and helped all she could to make it a fun time. This is our last one with her and everyone except the Randalls was in attendance, even Bean. |
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| Ashfork and A BIG ROCK |
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| Lee's Ferry and the Colorado River |
Later in the week the Randalls
came down for the afternoon and we took the little Brookside to Baker Lake hike
with them. It was pretty and we had a
good time enjoying the waterfalls and other scenery. We invited the Borrowmans and the Smiths, but
they both had other plans that day unfortunately.
We had hoped to get out of town
again later in the week, but the water wars struck and we found lots of damage
from a leaky shower had ruined a lot of stuff below it in the basement. We ended up just not being able to get away
and staying in town because of working on that and things at work that just wouldn’t
let us leave. It ended up being a good
thing that we didn’t get out of town.
Thursday, March 10th,
Weed called, if I remember right, to ask if they could stop by later to drop
off some soda bottles that Paul was collecting for a Wood Badge project. They did end up stopping by and brought a
full bottle of diet Pepsi and some Mentos to share a science experiment with
us. We went outside to do it and Derek
dropped the Mentos into the pop and it shot out like a fountain nearly
drenching him. This is such a fun
experiment for kids! They just love
it. We all laughed and had a good
time. They showed us their latest
“family picture” that they had taken before they stopped by. They had been up exploring by the Dixie Rock
having fun times and taking silly pictures.
This one was actually really cute and I said I wanted it for an updated
family picture. Weed said her hair
didn’t look very nice.
I had to leave
before they did for a chiropractor appointment.
I hated leaving. I just wanted to
stay and visit until they left. I wish I
had. This was the last time we saw Weed alive. They left after a while and went over to hike
one of Paul’s latest projects – the Sons of the Utah Pioneers project – the Red
Rock Quarry Trail. After that I think
they went home to drop off the kids and Weed and Derek went out to go
4-wheeling behind Bloomington. Later that
night, I can’t remember what time, but it was after dark I think, Derek called
in a panic saying that Weed had been in an accident while they were 4-wheeling
and that he was so sorry. He just kept
saying that. And he said she had no
respiration or pulse and explained how he had been doing CPR until the medics
got there. The Life Flight helicopter
was also there. He said he would call
back. Paul and I quickly called everyone
to pray for her and then a few minutes after that Derek called back sobbing to
say she was gone. I really wanted to go
out there, but by that time the police had the road blocked off and before when
he called they thought they were going to life flight her out so there would be
no reason to go there because she wouldn’t be there. After the final call, Derek had to talk to
the police, so his sister was kept us informed about what was going on until
they finally came to take her body away. (Derek had called his sis and brother
to come out and take the 4-wheelers away since he thought he would be leaving
with the helicopter.) It was a long time
and I felt so terrible thinking of our pretty Weed lying out there in the dirt,
broken and dead in the dark. Karissa
stayed by her and said they were very respectful of her. Such a horrific end to a beautiful life and
day spent enjoying time with her family. Derek said she was really enjoying the
ride and told him she really wanted to go fast on the way back to the truck and
said she would just meet him there.
Another couple was out there and they saw her go off the road. When Derek came up they asked him if he was
riding with someone and told him there had been an accident and he ran
down. She had gone too fast around a
curve and the 4-wheeler had rolled on top of her crushing her. Derek said the
4-wheeler just felt so light as he threw it off of her. She did have a helmet that saved her head from
much trauma. She was very broken up from
the sound of it. Derek and the other guy
did CPR until the help arrived and they took over, but she was gone. Oh how sorry we are to lose our sweet
Weed. Words cannot begin to express the
loss we feel. It is just so very hard to
bear. We are so glad we got to spend
that few happy minutes with her and the family that day. It is a sweet final memory of her.
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| March 10, final family picture at the Red Hill, St. George, Utah |
We spent the next several days
trying to get things put together for her funeral…all of us feeling in a daze,
but with the Bishop and Bryan’s help things moved along to the desired end. Paul, me, Moss/Christie, Jay/Brynn, Juge,
Supe/Beacher, Ferf/Ryan, Lou and Grandma Kurtz all decided to go to the temple
to do sealings on Friday evening. It was
a special time. It felt very good to be
there. Afterwards we gathered in one of
the sealing rooms off the celestial room to talk. It was a good thing to do. We also came home
(I think) and had a visit from two members of the Stake presidency and then the
men gave priesthood blessings to the women and each other. It was very comforting except for Paul’s
blessing that seemed to point to many hard times ahead, but with the promised
that if he would seek the Lord, he would be there to help. Sunday
we celebrated sweet Sarai’s 5th birthday.
As things progressed we had so many people doing kind things for all of us. People brought food, flowers, cards, donated money to the GoFundMe account, just handed us cash in cards and just put it in our hands. People who were needed to help with tasks that seemed impossible just showed up and got things done. Everyone wanted to do something for Weed and her family in any way they could. Our final private moments with Weed were on Wednesday night if I recall correctly. Derek went up to the funeral home in Cedar and helped Bryan with the final dressing and then all of the sisters, Brynn, me, Grandma Kurtz, Sheryl and a caring friend of Juge’s went over to help put on her make-up, paint her nails and comb her hair. Derek was very at peace and seemed so pleased to have us help. It was hard to see her so pale and her leg twisted, but Ferf took the first step forward and the process of making Weed her pretty self again began. It was so sweet to be there with her. Of course we knew it was just her body, but we felt her there with us. Juge’s friend was so nice and helped in such a quiet, capable way. We all talked and kept trying different things until Derek pronounced it good. Then Paul and the brothers, sons-in-law and Christie and Beacher came down to join us. I just wanted to pat her hand, cold though it was, smooth her hair and tuck her in with the little quilt they had there. My poor broken baby. After the final touches some of the men helped Bryan lift her into the coffin that Bryan helped Derek pick out. It was a very simple pine box, simple but elegant – like our Weed. Derek shared how he had found letters from Weed telling of her wishes if she were to die. There were letters for him and for the kids and a letter of her wishes for a simple, happy funeral. She had prepared those letters several months earlier when she was anticipating having a surgery on her ears. She hadn’t told anyone else how serious it was and that it could have been fatal. It was one more of the many tender mercies that have come through all of this. She didn’t end up being eligible for the surgery after all. We had a prayer and headed down the long, dark road back to St. George. It was a sweet time with Weed and each other and I’m so glad that Bryan suggested it.
As things progressed we had so many people doing kind things for all of us. People brought food, flowers, cards, donated money to the GoFundMe account, just handed us cash in cards and just put it in our hands. People who were needed to help with tasks that seemed impossible just showed up and got things done. Everyone wanted to do something for Weed and her family in any way they could. Our final private moments with Weed were on Wednesday night if I recall correctly. Derek went up to the funeral home in Cedar and helped Bryan with the final dressing and then all of the sisters, Brynn, me, Grandma Kurtz, Sheryl and a caring friend of Juge’s went over to help put on her make-up, paint her nails and comb her hair. Derek was very at peace and seemed so pleased to have us help. It was hard to see her so pale and her leg twisted, but Ferf took the first step forward and the process of making Weed her pretty self again began. It was so sweet to be there with her. Of course we knew it was just her body, but we felt her there with us. Juge’s friend was so nice and helped in such a quiet, capable way. We all talked and kept trying different things until Derek pronounced it good. Then Paul and the brothers, sons-in-law and Christie and Beacher came down to join us. I just wanted to pat her hand, cold though it was, smooth her hair and tuck her in with the little quilt they had there. My poor broken baby. After the final touches some of the men helped Bryan lift her into the coffin that Bryan helped Derek pick out. It was a very simple pine box, simple but elegant – like our Weed. Derek shared how he had found letters from Weed telling of her wishes if she were to die. There were letters for him and for the kids and a letter of her wishes for a simple, happy funeral. She had prepared those letters several months earlier when she was anticipating having a surgery on her ears. She hadn’t told anyone else how serious it was and that it could have been fatal. It was one more of the many tender mercies that have come through all of this. She didn’t end up being eligible for the surgery after all. We had a prayer and headed down the long, dark road back to St. George. It was a sweet time with Weed and each other and I’m so glad that Bryan suggested it.
With heaven’s help and the help
of so many wonderful people, the Friday evening viewing came off. It was so huge that we stayed much longer
than planned. They said there were over
a thousand people there. It was a lovely
time to try to help comfort them and be comforted by them. Derek and the kids did so well.
Brynn, Jay, Moss and Christie were able to collect things from Derek and lots of people and put together a display of so many of Weeds works of art. She worked so hard to develop her talent and shared it with so many people. Her talent with art was great, but it wasn’t her greatest gift. Her greatest gift was a heart full of charity.
Saturday morning, March 26th, was the funeral. We ended up moving it to a bigger building because their small chapel could not have accommodated the large crowds on Friday or Saturday. It was a beautiful celebration of her life in music and word. Wonderful people shared their talents to help the music happen and Juge, Supe, Paul, the bishop and stake president shared comforting, loving words. It was a perfect celebration of our sweet Lenae.
At the graveside LaTressa sang
with the voice of an angel and her guitar and Derek dedicated the grave. It feels so strange and sad to think of our
pretty Weed’s body deep in the ground, but we have joy knowing that her sweet
spirit lives on and is in such a wonderful place where she’s meeting a group of
people who love her and are welcoming her there and making her
comfortable. Oh Weed, we can’t begin to
understand why it was time for you to leave, but we trust that our loving, all
knowing Father in Heaven does know and we will do our best to press forward in
faith trusting Him and looking forward to that bright day when we will rejoice
to be together again. We will look for
you in so many places until that day. Bye
bye for now Weed. We love you.
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Poor little Trigg. How do you tell a mere baby that his mommy is gone. He just kept going up to touch her hand...so happy to see her after her being "at the hospital" for so long. Oh how it makes your heart ache for these children. My sister took these pics and titled this one, "The last goodbye."
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Brynn, Jay, Moss and Christie were able to collect things from Derek and lots of people and put together a display of so many of Weeds works of art. She worked so hard to develop her talent and shared it with so many people. Her talent with art was great, but it wasn’t her greatest gift. Her greatest gift was a heart full of charity.
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| The center portrait was painted by a friend who said he couldn't afford to contribute money to help, but he did this painting as a gift of love for Derek and the kids. |
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| Portrait of Weed and Derek from their art teacher for a wedding gift and a portrait of Grandpa Rogers that was a gift to Grandma from Weed. |
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| The center portraits of Abraham Lincoln were done by Derek and Weed in an art class. It was actually the beginning of their relationship as they worked on these drawings while "checking each other out! |
Saturday morning, March 26th, was the funeral. We ended up moving it to a bigger building because their small chapel could not have accommodated the large crowds on Friday or Saturday. It was a beautiful celebration of her life in music and word. Wonderful people shared their talents to help the music happen and Juge, Supe, Paul, the bishop and stake president shared comforting, loving words. It was a perfect celebration of our sweet Lenae.
The ever serving RS sisters of Weed’s ward and another one prepared and served a wonderful meal to all of the large gathering of family/friends after the funeral. As it always is at these times, it was wonderful to see and share comfort with and from so many friends and family that we don’t see often. I’m sure some kind of similar gathering of welcome must take place on the other side.
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| Beacher and Zade! |
We had the gang all here as well
as Latressa and kids for a Friday evening hot dog cook out and egg hunt. We had a fun time just enjoying the comfort
of being together. Juge, Lance and
family stayed over for the week end which was a comfort again.
On Sunday Derek and the kids attended their ward where the sacrament bread passed that day was some that Lenae had made and shared with some friends. They returned it and I’m not sure who suggested it, but it was very special when the bishop announced it was her bread after the sacrament had been passed. Juge/Lance, Jay/Brynn and families and Paul and I attended Moss and Christie’s ward where they gave perfect Easter talks and then Moss gave the Sunday school lesson. After that Paul and I attended Sunday school and Relief Society/Priesthood meetings at our ward. The day felt like the Easter amen and final good bye to Weed from our lives here. We know she will visit and we will feel her presence and we will remember her dearly and try to follow her example of kindness, love and service to others. It hurts so much, but we feel heaven’s blessings by way of so many kind people and through the peace of the Spirit. I hope I can remember the love I feel right now and keep on looking for ways to help others who have struggles to feel it too.
Here are Tasia’s before and after braces pictures. She got her braces off just a few days after Weed’s passing. At first we were going to cancel the appointment. There seemed to be so much to do, but Derek said that she had been looking forward to surprising everyone and he wanted her to be able to go ahead with it. It was one of those things that Weed would have taken her to if she had been here and she would have been so excited with Tasia to surprise everyone. It has been a long process, but has turned out so beautifully! So happy Derek made sure she got to go as expected. He will be the one doing these things with the kids now. I’m so glad it happened on schedule.
PS - It has now been 6 months (September 2016) and I found this poem that really expresses how it feels as time passes.
On Sunday Derek and the kids attended their ward where the sacrament bread passed that day was some that Lenae had made and shared with some friends. They returned it and I’m not sure who suggested it, but it was very special when the bishop announced it was her bread after the sacrament had been passed. Juge/Lance, Jay/Brynn and families and Paul and I attended Moss and Christie’s ward where they gave perfect Easter talks and then Moss gave the Sunday school lesson. After that Paul and I attended Sunday school and Relief Society/Priesthood meetings at our ward. The day felt like the Easter amen and final good bye to Weed from our lives here. We know she will visit and we will feel her presence and we will remember her dearly and try to follow her example of kindness, love and service to others. It hurts so much, but we feel heaven’s blessings by way of so many kind people and through the peace of the Spirit. I hope I can remember the love I feel right now and keep on looking for ways to help others who have struggles to feel it too.
Here are Tasia’s before and after braces pictures. She got her braces off just a few days after Weed’s passing. At first we were going to cancel the appointment. There seemed to be so much to do, but Derek said that she had been looking forward to surprising everyone and he wanted her to be able to go ahead with it. It was one of those things that Weed would have taken her to if she had been here and she would have been so excited with Tasia to surprise everyone. It has been a long process, but has turned out so beautifully! So happy Derek made sure she got to go as expected. He will be the one doing these things with the kids now. I’m so glad it happened on schedule.
PS - It has now been 6 months (September 2016) and I found this poem that really expresses how it feels as time passes.
Grief
By
Gwen Flowers
I
had my own notion of grief.
I
thought it was a sad time
That
followed the death of someone you love.
And
you had to push through it
To
get to the other side.
But
I’m learning there is no other side.
There
is no pushing through.
But
rather,
There
is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And
grief is not something that you complete.
But
rather you endure.
Grief
is not a task to finish,
And
move on,
But
an element of yourself—
An
alteration of your being.
A
new way of seeing,
A
new definition of self.
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